Tag: anxiety

Uncertainty & Anxiety

Holy Spirit, I invite into this space as I write on dealing with uncertainty. The root of this question is how do I deal with fear of the unknown and the anxiety that comes with it. That is not a question to brush over with a “pray about it” or “this too shall pass” response. This question requires practical advice about managing fears and inviting your Holy Spirit to dwell in us as we cling onto hope.

This topic hits my spirit in a new way because this year I have battled a level of anxiety I have never experienced before in my life. The pressure of this year has led me to moments of crippling anxiety to the level of where my hands would shake, where I could barely breathe, where tears would just roll down my face throughout the day…yes, some days had the best of me but I also experienced moments of divine peace when I turned to Jesus. Then it all started again…you might connect with this in some way so I will start with my first practical tip: have grace for yourself.

You might not realize it, but you are likely breaking generational curses and obliterating strongholds that will impact your children’s children. Your fight is not your own, it is a fight for a legacy that Satan is threatened by. Through Gods grace you have VICTORY stamped over your life because of the sacrifice Jesus made. If you catch yourself being the main character of your story, it is time for a reset. Invite God in to be the author of your story for he is is the author & finisher of faith which means that when he starts a work in you – he won’t leave you. You may have given this to God in the past, but today is a new day to surrender again. The good news, God is thrilled when you give him your weakness and brokenness…he is eager to step in to reveal his strength so that his name may be glorified and you…you get to rest in his peace.

With that, let’s dive into some practical steps on how to deal with fear of the unknown.

  1. Share your fears with Jesus. Instead of suppressing uncomfortable emotions, surrender them to the Prince of Peace. Tell God what you are scared of and why…he desires to have that intimacy with you. He desires to comfort you and bless you.
  2. Speak Life Every Morning. Start your day by declaring the goodness of God. You may have a hard time believing your own pep talk so I advise you do something even more effective which is to lean on the promises of God (which are a solid foundation). Start your day with a holy pep talk.
    • – I declare victory over my situation.
    • – I rebuke the lies of Satan over my life, God has victory over my life and THIS day.
    • – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. When I am weak, I ask Holy Spirit to step in to help.
    • – If God called me to it, he will bring me through it. I don’t always know how, but I know God is faithful.
  3. Ask for Help. One of the most helpful pieces of advice I have heard and share with others when they are facing a low season is to ask for help from the Holy Spirit. Simply say “Holy Spirit Help” and be broken before God but don’t hold onto your brokenness, offer it to God as your sacrifice and surrender. Ask the Holy Spirit to replace your brokenness with truth, love and light. God loves you so dearly and it hurts his heart to see you in pain. He wants to wrap his arms around you to comfort you. His way of doing this is sending the Holy Spirit to be our comforter.
  4. Ask for Help. Yes, again. This time I recommend to lean on a trusted family member or friend. We are created for community and as Proverbs states (27:17) “irons sharpens iron…” so lean on friends in faith to help step in the gap with prayer, encouragement or sometimes simply and ear to listen. As believers, we sometimes struggle with this because we believe the lie that if we were “good christians” we would be able to handle it/pray through it/believe through it…but the truth is: we all have winter seasons. This does not make you a “bad christian” it simply confirms that you are a human living on this earth.
  5. Surrender. The truth is, we only have an illusion of control in our life. When there is an extreme situation we think “I have lost control” but the fact is we never had it in the first place. God is the sovereign God who is on his throne and is in control. In our suffering, God builds endurance which builds character, which gives us hope that will not disappoint us (Romans 5:3-5). There is a sequence of order: suffering>endurance>character>hope. Although I am not at Paul level with feeling glad in my suffering, I am learning to have peace which confirms that a work is being done within me and I know there is a work being done in you too.
  6. Repeat. This is the part that is critical when you’re in a season of batting anxiety, you have to repeat and reset your faith daily (and sometimes moment by moment). Some days will be better than others but the key is to stay in the race set before you. You are loved. You do have purpose. You are uniquely you and no one can take your place. You are worth fighting for.

I hope these tools can encourage you in this day. No matter what you are going through, God is on your side. Remember to have grace for yourself for Jesus looks at you with eyes of love, forgiveness and compassion. God will use this season for good – whether it means you eventually helping someone else through their season of darkness, building endurance in you, increasing your level of compassion…so many ways that it can be used for good. So remember that we serve a good God who is faithful even in the messy middle and he adores that the gets to be on this journey with you.

Be blessed and lean on our helper & comforter, Holy Spirit. You will make it through this.

You have to FAIL to FLY

If you want to grow, you have to be willing to learn along the way. The tough part about this is that learning means “failing” and trying again. This requires a lot of humility. Not many are brave enough to do this. It takes a lot of courage, resilience, grit and passion.

As a child, you get credit for “how quickly you can learn” which inspires kids to keep trying (failing and learning) and growing!!! As an adult, that narrative changes and we only want to be good at things because that is when we get praise. Oh it is so tempting to only get praise!

When it comes to creating your dream life, you will have to do things you’ve never done to get to places you’ve never been. So if you are dreaming of something BIGGER, it is time to take action. This is the part that is less talked about because you experience intense growing pains. Yes, parts will be painful – but in the end, it will be beautiful because Romans 8:28 says “all things work together for good to those who love God”

Now, this blog is for my sisters in Christ so I do have to share the secret sauce: Ask the Holy Spirit for help. There will be times of uncertainty and you have to have the humility to understand you are only one person, you will never know everything – BUT, you have a resource who does.

Scriptures to lean on:

  • Phil. 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”
  • Matt. 7:7 “Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find”
  • Prov. 9:10 “The fear of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom”
  • 2 Corin 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”

I hope these scriptures can be your armor as you step out in faith!

Tips to SLAY your Interview 

When it comes to job interviews, we dread them. Typically nerves spike up and we struggle to present the best version of ourselves. The goal with Young Woman, Rise is to empower all women to find purpose in their work. If that means you need to change jobs, so be it. I applaud you for being bold and stepping out into a new season instead of staying where you are just to complain about the same issues over and over again. Sorry if I just called you out but we are keeping it 100 here.

If you are a woman who is ready to live a life of faith, not fear – keep reading so you can slay your upcoming interview. During an interview, you are competing against other candidates so you must put your best foot forward. Here are the four principles to follow that will help you ace your interview: 

  1. Prepare. Yes, it is simple but it is an absolute must. At the basic level you should be able to recite who the CEO is, when the company started, what services/products they offer & why you are aligned with the company. To level up in this area, truly study their website and memorize as many facts as you can. This will blow your interviewer away! The next step is focusing on your experience and how to best share your experiences. I recommend researching common interview questions and practicing your responses out loud. A common mistake is thinking “well, i’ve been through it so ill be able to share on the fly” but what happens is you tend to ramble, go in circles or not make a clear point. With every story you share, there needs to be an intention for why you are sharing and you should be able to articulate it in a clear way. The last part is to prepare quality questions for your interviewer – you should NEVER say “I have no questions”…I recommend that you prepare a minimum of three questions.
  2. Personal Appearance. First impressions matter! The truth is, on some level we do judge books by their covers. Remember to stick to neutral tones, consider a blazer, and if you’re wearing a dress/skirts – keep them at a professional length. When it comes to hair and makeup, these days there is flexibility but the tried and true method is a sleek ponytail or bun along with a natural makeup look. That said, don’t forget the implicit elements such as keeping a good posture, smiling, making direct eye contact, having a firm handshake and not fidgeting when you’re seated. Even if you are in the waiting room, all these should apply. 
  3. Be Early. Forget “be on time” – no, be early for your interview! Not only does this show excellent time management but depending on how early you get there, I recommend going through some practice questions to ensure answers are clear in your head. 
  4. Be Present. Once the interview begins, it is time to connect with your interviewer. Ask simple questions to create a connection (Ex. Hi, great to meet you. How has your day been?)  or express gratitude  (ex. Thank you so much for taking time to meet with me. I greatly appreciate it). Then, during the interview make sure to maintain a healthy level of eye contact, sit straight, keep your hands folded (if you’re someone who tends to fidget) or if you are an extrovert, use your hands to your advantage by using hand motions which helps keep your interviewer engaged in what you are sharing. When a question is asked, do not  hesitate to take a moment (and a breath) to collect your thoughts. A PRO TIP is to exhale and say “That is a great question, hmm, let me think about that…” and take the moment to ponder and come back with an articulate response! You have no idea how much this will enhance your interview results and how much I wish I knew this principle in my early interviewing days. 

If you do all of these things, you will be sure to impress your interviewer! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment below. 

Additionally, if you feel like you need some practice or coaching with your interview skills, email me at vladlenadufresne@gmail.com to schedule your free 30 min consultation. 

Grace for Yourself.

Life feels like a stage sometimes, at least I feel that way lately. Leaving a secure job to step out into the unknown on faith alone feels like I am being watched more than ever, by others and myself. I feel the pressure rising from around me, but also from within me. Performance starts to kick in…last week I shared a perspective on pressure & performance and today I want to elaborate on performance but in a different way. 

Yes, performance usually stems from trying to take control of a situation and spiritually it means I am taking my eyes off of Jesus and not trusting that he already has a victory planned. However, physically I found that it means I am protecting myself. We all have our own ways of “creating safety” and it usually stems from childhood patterns. 

One of the biggest ways I “created safety” when I was young was by performing to please my parents. Early on it was as innocent as a silly dance or story, but as I grew older (and I am sure you relate) it turned into performing in school/chores (or maybe something different for you…sports/hobbies/talents/etc). Later in my life when any problem big or small would overwhelm my parents and I learned to be hyper-aware of problems on the horizon (living in a tension state of trying to predict the next thing) in order to foresee any “problems” so I could fix it before it happens. I believe this is what we call anxiety. Trying to control things we have no control over, living in a future state instead of the present. 

The point I am making is that my constant hyper-awareness of whats happening around me and a need to control it, stems from a need to feel safe. As a child, when you don’t understand how to process things you create your own solutions to keep you safe. Hyper-awareness was my solution and I got good enough at it that even I didn’t realize I was doing it. All I knew is that in certain settings, I would curate and perform leaving myself feeling drained but not understanding the underlying roots (to feel safe). 

A lot of our habits stem from childhood…but enough about that. The main takeaway is that God has grace for your need to perform (or whichever habit you’re struggling with) because he sees the heart of a confused child trying to feel safe. He is not mad at you for it, not threatened by it but he is so in love with you and hopes you run to him for healing. 

Note: Healing can look different – sometimes through prayer he brings peace, sometimes he reveals a season of growth in an area to prepare you, sometimes he brings life challenges to teach a specific lesson, sometimes he makes you wait, sometimes he leads you to new friendships, sometimes he urges you to ask for help whether it be from a pastor/mentor or therapist. Different people, different situations…God tailors his approach to you.

God is always in the midst of it with you & has so much grace to pour over you. It never runs out – not for you or anyone else. So today the message is this – God has grace for you, so have grace for yourself. Forgive yourself if you need to, let go of things if you need to…but don’t shame/guilt yourself when you are trying your best. Stand confident knowing God’s grace will catch you every single time and he is doing a good work in you.

Prayer: Dear Lord, thank you for your unending grace. Please forgive me of my sins and teach me the true way to live & serve you. Help me understand the conflicts within myself but always with self-compassion and grace – just as you extend it. Help me learn and grow to be more like you without focusing on the areas where I am not. May your grace for me create in me a heart of compassion for others. In Jesus name, amen.