This year I quit my secure job to dive into the world of being a founder of a tech startup. Yet, when someone asks what I do…I don’t always know how to answer – I own my own business -OR- I am a founder of a tech company…I try to find the right answer but those responses seem unreal because they seem to “fancy” because the reality of being a founder in early stages is that your confidence in yourself is still developing and although I AM a founder, the app is not ready yet and the first part of the puzzle is raising capital (something I knew nothing about when I started) and the goal was to get by JUST ENOUGH to pay the necessary bills of the business and moving forward with the business plan and then BAM, more bills and another round of funds is required to keep moving forward. The cycle begins again and yes, I could just focus on aggressively raising funds early on but the truth is…those investor meetings would terrify me. I would be so excited about my idea, but I hated public speaking so the process of meetings where the spotlight was on me to present, answer questions AND ask for their buy-in (personally and financially) was sort of a personal torture (just being transparent here).

Fast forward to present day, it feels better. I have grown in confidence and knowledge but I still don’t have all the answers so the meetings are easier…but not easy. I still fight this feeling of “they will think I am not enough” and try to perform my way out of that fear because inside, even though I KNOW what I am capable of, others may not. When I have a vision or get passionate about something…even when it is hard, I commit and figure out how to get to the finish line. The element I don’t share very often is how hard I am on myself and how that leads me to struggle in painful ways, an internal torment (that may sound dramatic but talk to my support system and you’ll know that I am not exaggerating)…but I push through anyway.

That said, I don’t push through alone. God is my refuge and encourages me every step along the way. I have had more breakdowns than I would care to admit, but God has carried me through each of them – whether it be a worship song that calms me, my spouse giving me an encouraging pep talk (beyond grateful for his love & support), a prayer session that humbles me, a journaling session where I gain clarity or some other way because God is endlessly creative.

I do genuinely believe that the only reason I am able to push through in this process is directly tied to my faith. I genuinely believe God called me to this purpose, I have had this vision since 2017 and the knock on my spirit only got stronger since. God has been building me as a person, brought me to my spouse (who is an integral part of this journey, I couldn’t do it without him), building my professional confidence, my public speaking skills and so much more in between.

That said, today I am writing about PRESSURE & PERFORMANCE. I hope the context was interesting to you to help you understand where I am coming from when I talk about the pressure & performance. I listened to a sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick (Elevation Church) and he was directly speaking on this topic. He said “certain type of pressure points to PRIDE in your life” and that when we feel this specific pressure it is because we have disconnected from our source (God) and try to perform for our own purpose which leads to losing our strength.

(Link to the video: https://youtu.be/T-M64gZW2hM)

I hate to admit it, but it is true. In my spirit, I know God brought me here and is leading me through it, but when the reality of what I am doing set in…I put all the pressure on myself. Believing that I am the one that is looking at the bank account, paying the bills, presenting my pitch deck, networking, researching, planning strategies..etc. That is what led me to spiraling self-doubt and feeling immense pressure. I took my eyes off of the one who is TRULY leading this ship…of course I will doubt myself, I am only human. This process REQUIRES you to keep your eyes on Jesus because he is worthy of ALL trust and faith. I don’t need to doubt Jesus… when I am connected to Him and know it is through HIS POWER that I am where I am and that HE will guide me to the next step…the pressure evaporates. How interesting is that? A pressure that was nearly CRUSHING me…dissipates in the presence of Jesus.

Can I get an AMEN?

So my point here is that pressure comes when our eyes are off of Jesus and we begin to perform in our own ability which leads to a weary, discouraged, frustrated and unstable soul. Therefore, we must intentionally keep our eyes on Jesus. This part is not easy band learning how to do this is a process in itself but I hope you are encouraged by this verse in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Prayer: Father, thank you for your love, your faithfulness, your strength and your promises. Forgive me when I start to perform for myself and take my eyes off of you. Reveal to me the motives of my heart and continue to correct me on my course. I cling to you as my refuge, my strength and my hope. I trust that I am safe in your arms and that you will lead me on safe paths even when I don’t see the road ahead. God, help me see how to be faithful in THIS day and not worry about the future. Grant me heavenly peace as I navigate the unknown and learn to trust you on a deeper level. My hearts desire is that I keep getting closer to your heart – help me remember that when I start to see the physical more than the spiritual purpose. I will make mistakes along the way but I will not be discouraged! I will cling to you and trust that I am learning & growing. Thank you Lord for carrying me through this. Amen.